the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
