make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
