did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
