there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
