Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
