none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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