I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
