how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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