Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
