this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
