But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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