i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
