i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
