I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
