he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
