New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
