At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
