Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
