My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Green mimosas i think yes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
