If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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