And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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