i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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