i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
