So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize