Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
