Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Vodka?
Forever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize