Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
