writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
