last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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