It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
