and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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