Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
