I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
