Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
