Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
