I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
