umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize