she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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