whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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