I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
