my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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