Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
