I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
