i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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