It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
