I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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