CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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