Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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