i don't like sucking hair
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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