Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
