I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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