Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
