Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
