Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
