Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
