my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
