did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
