do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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