They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize