If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
