You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i have two assholes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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