this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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