Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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